Have you ever been in a situation where you work so hard for something, and then when it all comes together, everything falls apart? And you sit there and think, 'really? ALL that hard work and time and I just made a total fool of myself!'
You know, you're not a fool! You are HUMAN. I am human. I am not a robot. If I were a robot, then life would be perfect. There would be no mess ups, no failures to persevere, no encouragement, no grace, not even love. And thank the Lord we are human and make mistakes and fall.
Have you ever prayed, "God, as I go into this, just let me make you smile. I want to make you laugh."? He'll take you up on that. Trust me!
Last night I had another recital. For four months, I had been working on two songs: 'The Way I Am' by Ingrid Michaelson. And 'Sonata Pathetique op. 13. Second Mov.' for the piano. I just want to make one thing clear, I did not want to play that hideous piano song. Why did I choose it? Because I wanted something challenging and totally out of my realm. The point is, I worked extremely hard on that song and... I think Ill go burn the sheet music for it now. :P
So, after much practicing, memorizing, arranging and choreography, last night came like the wind and passed like the waters.
The show began and as Aaron and I sat there we both looked at each other and started praying over our performance. We asked God to help us to get up there and have fun, to make Him SMILE and LAUGH but most importantly to honor Him. And that we would have recollection of everything. ;)
Here is where I decided I am so happy I am human and that I have the blessing in making God laugh.
We started and everything was going well! But on the second verse of the song is where things went left and not right. I sat down on the chair and when I went to get up my lapel came off. Well, the sound guy turned off my lapel so that you wouldn't hear all the shuffling and my teacher thought it broke so she said to use a handheld. We restarted and to be honest, this was probably the best voice performance EVER. Why? Because we made the crowd laugh, we had a wonderful time, I was singing with the one I love, and we were able to glorify God in it.
A little bit later it was time for me to play my piano piece. You know what? Life is so beautiful. I just thank God so much.
I got up there, sat down, took a deep breath and began to play. About half way through the song I went blank and again, God took me up on that offer to make Him smile. I actually don't know where I went wrong. But I persevered. I tried and retried and just couldn't get it. A few what-it-seemed-like-forever minutes later, I turned to my teacher and asked for my music. The announcer came and gave me my music and said, 'Amanda, you're doing wonderful. Keep it up. You know what you're doing, I'm proud of you'.
I felt like running off that stage, saying 'forget this'! And curling up into a ball. But did I? Absolutely not! I am NOT a quitter! I completed my performance, bowed and didn't even sit back in my chair, I just went into the music room in the back. Of course Aaron followed me and by this time I was crying and cradled in his arms. I wasn't upset because I messed up, or because the crowd saw me. But because I worked so hard, all just to mess up.
God spoke to me and said 'Amanda, I want to show you something. I want to show you that you're human. And its okay to mess up.' And it is! And I am! The whole night the two verses that kept coming to mind were: 1 Corinthians 9:24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." My prize last night was running for the King. And showing others that in all my work, I work for HIM. Not for self glorification.
And James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." And it does. Boy oh boy, it sure does. I do consider it joy.
I can't even count the amount of "you guys did such a wonderful job! You did so well, you persevered.'s that were given last night. I truly believe those were said sincerely, not out of pity.
So, I guess the bottom line is..I am so happy to be human. I make mistakes. Life is not perfect. But most of all, I GET TO MAKE GOD SMILE WITH HIS LOVE!!!! Can we all get up and dance now? Yes, please! When you mess up, don't get discouraged. What's done is done. Persevere! Make God smile! He loves us so much!!! Isn't it just so beautiful! Yes, yes it is.
Well, I'm done rambling now. I guess I just wanted to share my joy and let you all know that, 'hey, I messed up and I still have joy!' :) I pray that you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend radiating with the Kings love. (:
Random fact: Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.